You don't own me.

I was so that girl. Spent most of my life trying to please the people around me. Always worried about what people thought. Was I making the best grades, did I have the best socks (we wore uniforms, socks was the thing #dontjudgeme), was my hair perfect? Was I the most polite and beloved by all of the people in church? Did I score the highest on the test?

I mean seriously; seeking approval was all I ever knew. It became so toxic that if I came second place in a tournament (I was a Debate Champion), I couldn't sleep. I was literally the worst loser. And there it is again; I came in 2nd place in a statewide competition that I'd won several rounds to make it to...and I considered myself a loser. 

I had a parent who demanded that I give my best always. I mean, to the extreme. I couldn't just be an Honor Roll student. It had to be All A's. She required a lot from me. And so, as I grew, I believed that I had to be everything...Perfection.

That stayed with me as I grew into a young adult. And for that, I don't even blame her. I blame myself.

This inner war I was having  to be perfect is something that I did to myself. And then I repeated that in my (failed) marriage. I wrapped myself up, and put myself in the "love me, pick me, choose me category".

I viewed his cheating and complete & total lack of respect for me as somehow my fault. So I just kept "improving" myself & upping my game...which just meant I required less of him. 

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And at some point...that had to stop. There comes a point in life when that transition into adulthood has to step in. And I needed to take responsibility for everything within my control.

Initially, I chose to continue being a people pleaser; constantly letting that guilt of expectation rule everything I did (or did not do). 

And one day...I decided; no more. Like, literally, jumped out of bed, feet to the floor epiphany type shit.

Oh, for many of us, this will involve royally pissing off the parents like mine, who had such high demands & expectations. Those expectations led me to self indulgent behavior that I had to oust if I didn't want to end up with tons of regret and self pity.

What I took to heart was the fact that the expectation also made me who I am today. So how can I take the parts I am so proud of, while condemning the tough parenting experience; the parts I didn't understand, that also made me who I am? The person who would eventually say, no more. I'm doing it my way. You don't own me. 

My mindset shift came from lots of work. Not blaming, not judging. But simply by following some deliberate steps in coming into myself and what I wanted. It's called growing the fuck up.

It wasn't about defying my loved ones. More about allowing myself the freedom to become my own person. Not someone who had to be perfect for the world. Just the perfect version of myself, flaws and all. 

I created a Law of Attraction workbook with those steps & my process...shedding the expectation, shifting my mindset, and regaining my power. You can get a copy of my workbook that I created to help you with your mindset shift here.

Click here to Download.

Happy growing,

XO, Tori

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Let's talk #FACTS

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First of all, owning a Business is Hard Work
You will put in a LOT of time, energy and money. That means, if you are searching for freedom right now, keep searching, babe. Depending on the type of business you’re running, you will work during the day, weekends, nights and holidays, birthdays - all of that. Most certainly in the beginning. On the upside, you will learn that working 80+ hours for yourself is so much more freaking awesome than working 40plus hours for someone else. Fact.

There is a hustle like no other though; and if you believe that you are just going to do a drag & drop sales funnel, then wait for your Facebook Ad to do all the work, this is not for you.

You will for sure need to understand sales, digital marketing and branding (amongst a shit ton of other things). Even though you might hate crunching the numbers (like yours truly), you'll need to come to some place of contentment over it hella fast when it comes to accounting, bookkeeping, and taxes. Or at least employ some great tools & software to help you.

I don't care how many books you read or webinars or live events you sign up for either— the real learning will come from you digging in and doing the things

That's exactly why we started The Socialite. So that you can dig in, and do the things, with help. You will fail, you will forget, you will make mistakes, you will tire. But you mustn't quit. Here's why...

#MoreFacts Overnight Success is Total & Complete Bullshit
I was working my ass off for a good 4 years before anyone really gave a damn. Until Khloe Kardashian walked into our celebrity lounge, picked up one of my custom phones, and then stuck it to her ear for a photo, I was just a girl at home making shit. Seriously; I mean all day, everyday, that was me I described before. But when you want it, you want it. Nothing happens for anyone overnight. It comes from a series of daily, dedicated steps to get you where you need to be. Keep going, keep hustling.

#GoodFacts Origin Stories are Condensed. #FACT.
I know you've heard me say "I started in my living room, and took my business to the Red Carpet..." Yes, did you hear the part about how it was a good, solid 4 years before that happened? And it took a few years after that for the call from DVF. A few more before the BRAVO TV Housewives started hitting me up. Then Beyonce, Rihanna, Taylor Swift...it all took time, even though I condense that down to two sentences on my live streams. You must be in this for the long haul...

Then here's one of my favs...

“I make 6 figures using this, and doing that..” 

The part that always seems to be missing in so many of these stories is the how. How did I get to the MTV Awards backstage to meet Khloe Kardashian (I was invited out by a company because I built a bomb ass brand!)?  Why would Rihanna buy anything from me? I'm not a fashion designer! (She, like many celebrities,  found me through Word of Mouth by their stylists! I always knew who to make friends with! The celebrity won't ever think about you again. But their managers & entourage will!) And why in the world was I backstage, anyway? (It was my 2nd L.A. celebrity award show event!)

People want to know the how...the steps that it took to get there; the blueprint. And if you were paying attention, I dropped you some jewels on this in this short post.

So as you're curating content each day; as you work on your blogs & workbooks, your videos...think about the actual story. It's not the one where I met & designed for Khloe Kardashian. The story resides in all the work I did to get there.

Tell that story. 

Back soon,

XO, Tori

 

FYI: Nobody wants to see this.

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Sex And The City 20 years later. You Missed The Whole Point.

So this week marks 20 years since I first fell in love with Carrie Bradshaw, and Sex and the City.

I've already read a few articles talking about how women back then missed the mark. That they engaged in too much casual sex, didn't take relationships seriously, and are now 20 years later in regret of what Carrie and her girl gang brought to the world. Let me tell you...these writers have clearly missed the whole point!

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Like are you kidding me? This was the show that defined my adolescence/ young adult-hood! They gave us the original girl gang! They taught us independence & friendship bonds beyond casual acquaintances. 

Honestly, the only thing missing was a bit of diversity! This squad was the envy of any girl squad to ever do it!

For me, Sex and the City was about women taking their power back. Not falling into the same, methodical role of women who got used by men and had to love on someone else terms. You know, the women who to take the scraps of "love and affection" that they were allocated.

It was about women who could have an orgasm and not feel bad about it, the way so many of us had been taught to. 

Beyond that though, it was about seeking self fulfillment. And understanding that as a woman, your life doesn't begin and end with a man. 

BUT; if you are really a woman who wants and gets it all...you end with untamed self discovery. That as a woman, you CAN have it all.  

You can end up with the life you want and work for, and the man of your dreams. 

Your Big. Someone who knows that you are wild and free spirited. But also, the one who will find his place along your journey (for a change). And be more than willing to go along for the ride.

So to those women who are now writing about the fact that Sex and the City missed the mark...let me tell you; I was there. I was here for it. And I am so fucking proud of my inner Miranda who drove me to be an incredible entrepreneur and business BOSS. My inner Charlotte who kept me in tune with the girly girl hopeful side of myself, wishing and prepping for the perfect family. The inner Samantha; who taught me to be free to express myself and own my sexuality. And my dear, sweet Carrie; the one who embodies all the deepest parts of me; living my dream life with my dream career, while also giving me desire and hopefulness that my Mr. Big is still out there.

The one who, despite all his (and my) flaws, would find himself right back where he belonged. In the arms of the one woman who would not take his shit. And who would love all the broken parts, just as they are. Isn't that the whole point...?

#Absofuckinglutely. 

Looking for your fierce, ride or die, business bestie girl gang...?

Join ours! #TheSocialite

XO, Tori

Plan For The Wins.

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Sharing is caring! Please like, comment, or share with your Biz Besties! XO, Tori 

Repost: 13 Lessons Every Entrepreneur Can Learn From Spartacus Blood & Sand

I've been obsessed with Spartacus for many years now. I'm one of those Original fans, who had to wait for the next episode to come on during the series. This blog post is from August of 2016. I was just getting into teaching what I know, and because I watched the series so much - I thought of a few interesting correlations between Spartacus & Entrepreneurship.

The best part, It's still relevant! 

XO, Tori

 

1. Red Serpent.

Sacrifice and Loss can lead you to a greater path. Learn from your choices. It's up to you to choose whether you will fall to your knees and give into failure, or rise to meet your destiny. 

 

 

 

2. Sacramentum Gladitorium. 

Use what's available to you to succeed. Every step up is a step forward. 

 

3. Legends.  You see your idols and it's your goal everyday to get to their level; to become the next legend. Don't rush the process! Greatness takes work, time, and patience. 

 

4. The Thing In The Pit.

Sometimes bad choices will lead you to face really tough consequences. You set out with all the best intentions, but taking shortcuts to get you there don't pan out quite as you expected. It's ok.  Dig in, fight harder, and work your way out of the pit back into the light. 

 

 

5. Shadow Games. There may be times that working with a colleague may be more beneficial than going it alone. You know you have the traits of an entrepreneur, you can stand alone. Can you be a team player? Can you be humble enough to know that your perspective may not be the only way to get things done?

 

6. Delicate Things. My Mommie always said that no matter if you're receiving a compliment, or being berated, consider the source and the motive. Be careful who you lend your trust to.

 

 

7. Great and Unfortunate Things. Never forget who you are or what you stand for. The most pivotal happenings are the most character building. It would be easy to allow the things that are happening to you dictate your life goals, ideals and values. This wishy washy behavior will keep you blowing in the wind. Know who you are. Be who you are. It's easier to respect someone you disagree with but you know where they stand, than it is to have someone agree with you, when you know they're untrustworthy.

 

8. Mark of the Brotherhood. Always remember there's always someone who wants to take your place! To be better, smarter, better looking, richer, or more popular than you. Stay on your toes.

 

 

9. Whore. Sometimes you've gotta get down & dirty! Show up and give your best performance. You can have a winning track record, and one bad performance can be a major setback. Don't leave yourself open for replacement.

 

10. Party Favors. Be careful of who you allow to represent your brand. They may make choices that you are left cleaning up.

 

11. Revelations. Fall down 9 times. Get up 10. Persevere in pursuit of your dreams.

 

12. Kill Them All. Naysayers be damned! Keep learning, teaching, sharing and growing. Arm yourself with every defense. Know your business, industry, market, customer, and values and you will be unstoppable.  

 

P.S. Sharing is caring! Please like, comment, and share with your audience!

 

My Original Post from August 23, 2016 

13 Reasons Why Video Content Will Change The Game In 2018

We all know that Facebook has changed their algorithm game and it has a lot of people really concerned about how they will be seen and get interaction on that platform.So because Facebook has gone to a platform that .png
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 Sharing is caring! Like & Or Share with your friends! XO, Tori

Sharing is caring! Like & Or Share with your friends! XO, Tori

Common struggles new businesses face with Branding, Content Creation, & Sales!

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#KLT Factor It In.

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Great product, no sales strategy? Here are 8 promo ideas...

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Are You Reaching The Top Yet?

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Buy Now

Be Delusional About Your Goals.

I wanted to begin 2018 with some new and even exciting ways that my customers my audience my clients can be excited about getting started and monetizing very early on in setting up a system to monetize consistently.Y.png
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